MY CHILD HAS ADHD
The key feature of children with ADHD is that they get distracted so easily and are very forgetful. ADHD is one of the most common disabilities. ADHD can make it very challenging for children and youth to get tasks done, socialize successfully, and learn alongside peers at school.
essential skill: impulse control and inhibition
The neurodevelopmental foundation that is missing or under-developed in children and youth with ADHD is the skill of impulse control. You may see terms such as ‘impulse control,’ ‘inhibition skills’ or ‘interference control’ when you read about ADHD. Impulse control is needed to suppress an immediate desire, and instead focus on something that might be less desirable or less interesting. Here are some examples of why impulse control is such a critical skill:
Impulse control is necessary for following rules. “Don’t eat the chocolate chip cookies until after supper” and “Don’t speak out in class, raise your hands first” and stop at the cross walk and look both ways for traffic” are rules that are very important to master. Inhibition works the same way, but it includes remaining focused. “Stay focused on what you need to do, and don’t get distracted” is a skill that children need to learn so that they can get tasks done. Inhibition helps you to not only stay focused on the goal that you are trying to reach. it also is needed to remember the steps needed to reach the goal.
Impulse control is needed to get tasks done independently. By the time children are 4 to 5 years old, they show some impulse control without too much adult supervision or support. They can make it through a boring task (such as getting dressed) and not get distracted by toys that might be lying on the floor. Impulse control is much more secure by the time a child finishes kindergarten. Their attention span is longer, and they don’t get distracted as easily. They can sit and do the hard work of kindergarten or grade one for 15 to 30 minutes at a time, something they were not able to do in preschool or kindergarten.
what it looks like when impulse control is not present
Acts before thinking. When a child is acting impulsively, they do the first thing that comes to mind. Even though they might remember the rule about chocolate chip cookies, they’ll go ahead and eat one even when it’s not the right time. Even though they know that you’re supposed to wait your turn before speaking in class or before taking a turn in a game, they go ahead and speak out loud or take a turn when it’s not the right time. Even though they have the desire to please adults and want to play successfully with peers, their under-developed impulse control skills make it harder for them to do as expected.
Makes excessive excuses. When children with impulsivity are confronted by their parents (“Why did you eat the cookies?”) they might respond by saying that they ‘forgot’ about the rule. Or, they might simply deny that they ate the cookies altogether. Perhaps they’ll make up an excuse for why they broke the rules. Peers can get frustrated by the impulsive behaviors that their playmates with ADHD sometimes show. The child with impulsivity sometimes loses social opportunities because of their behaviors.
Forgetful, does not get tasks done. Under-developed inhibition skills show up as forgetfulness. When children lack inhibition skills, they get distracted easily. An adult might give an instruction, but the child quickly forgets what they were told and does not follow through on the instruction. Sometimes, children with under-developed inhibition skills start a task successfully, but then do not complete it. It’s for the same reason- they lost their focus mid-way through the task and started to do something else. When reminded about what they’re supposed to do, they sometimes remember (“oh yea, I remember now,” they might say). Just as often, children won’t remember at all. The parent, who is now frustrated, might wonder why their child keeps not following instructions. The child might say: “I forgot.” Just as commonly, the child might say: “You never told me to do that”
Goals, objectives, and strategies
Goal: The goal for children and youth with ADHD is to follow rules successfully and get tasks done independently and without getting distracted. Significant adult support is part of what’s typically needed for the child’s success. Here, the term ‘support’ refers to the reminders that the adults have to provide. It does not refer to physical support. The goal is to reduce the level of adult support needed, while the child masters their ability to follow rules and get tasks done.
Objective: The adult who supervises the child could spend their whole day checking upon on their child’s performance. The objective is to reduce over-reliance on adult support. One way to do this is to discuss with the child or adolescent how often you’ll come by to provide supervision. The supervision could be continuous (especially, if the child is still young). Or, it could be pre-scheduled to occur every 15 minutes (e.g for a young school aged child) or 2 or 3 times per day (for an older child or adolescent). Whatever strategy you decide to use, make sure that your child knows when they are being successful, not just when they are not performing successfully. As your child makes progress, gradually reduce how often or for how long you provide supervision.
Strategy. Error detection and error correction. The child or adolescent needs to master the use of a self-checking procedure. The procedure requires the child to notice what they forgot to do, or to notice any mistakes they made, and then correct those mistakes. The strategy could be for the child to tell their parents everything that they did, and in so doing, discover everything that they forgot to do. The strategy could also be to use visual checklists or photos. The child can ‘read’ the checklist to their parents, and then discover what they forgot to do. A good place to start is to start with daily routines: dressing and self-care. Once your child or adolescent gains independence for self-care skills, start working on cleaning up the bedroom, helping around the house, or getting the bookbag in readiness for school. work on one or two tasks at a time. after some weeks, the overall level of adult supervision needed should start to go down.
how do I speak with my child about this Essential Skill?
Here are some scripts that you can use to speak with your child about their ADHD
I need to teach you about acting before thinking and thinking before acting. We’ll talk about when you do acting before thinking- and we’ll also talk about thinking before acting!
I need to show you when you are being forgetful, and when you are able to remember successfully. sometimes you get tasks done really well- I will show you when that happens. Sometimes you are forgetful and task don’t get done. I’ll show you when that happens also.
I know you want to get your jobs done. I’m going to give you a strategy that will help you to remember everything you need to do
When you first start learning about getting jobs done, I’m going to do a lot of checking. I want to make sure that you can get tasks done successfully.
When you start to remember all of the jobs that you need to do every day, I won’t need to do as much checking! We’ll have more time to have fun if you can get all of your jobs done successfully.
Ready for a deeper dive?
Are you ready for a deeper dive? Impulse control is the only foundation or skill that we’ve discussed this far. There are other skills that children with ADHD also need to master. These include: Working memory, planning, and organizational skills. Click on the button below to learn more